Getting into Goth 2018: Goth Books

If you are new to Goth in 2018 or within recent years you may have preconceived misconceptions about Goth. What is it? Where did it come from? How did it become a thing? How come it's lasted so long? Or if one of your loved ones has started dressing in black and listening to The Cure, dying their hair, and adding body modifications and identifying as either Goth or Alternative. You may be concerned or wondering exactly what the hell that is. And when you come to that thought you have two choices,

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1) Be complacent in your ignorance, make ignorant comments, jokes, not take them seriously, tell them it's a phase it will go away. Don't look into it from actual Goths in the scene, listen to the music, read up about it or anything, and eventually get used to it and come to accept them or part ways.

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2) Read Goth books, magazines, go to youtube and watch goth youtubers, follow popular Goth's on Instagram, get a shallow surface area of it based on the fashion and the music. And if it really interest you keep digging, continue to educate yourself, and go down the rabbit hole of all things considered, Goth and Alternative and form your own opinions about it.

If you are a person who's new to Goth, you will gravitate towards all of the information, magazines, books, music videos, music, biographies and interviews by musicians to see their inspirations and influences on the scene. The history, fashion, literature, art, architecture, the lives of the authors, musicians, etc themselves, and more. And just all around anything dark, spooky,  and supernatural. I have personally stayed away from the heavy conversations of all things regarding what is Goth? Because I don't want to come across as an authority or an elitist know it all. I have always been a firm believer that you know real Goth's when you take time to get to know them after you've spent time with enough fake people, you'll recognize who's real and who's just in it for the wrong reasons, or is completely ignorant about the subject entirely.

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If Goth is something you are truly drawn to then whatever it is you like, whatever outlet you have will drive you into your own spiral into learning everything you possibly can about it and seeing if it's right for you so you can develop your own style, your own taste in music, your own hobbies you enjoy rather that contributes to the scene or not. If you are fortunate enough to have any kind of local scene or travel to one near you then all of those things will just come naturally to you.

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There is one thing I will say about the mysteries of all things Goth, there are do's and don't's about it. It's really just about respect for the scene and the people in it who have a genuine interest. If you find yourself drawn to the scene in this current day and age of social media where people can be internet famous; i.e Instagram models, and popular Youtubers who receive free items for having a high following from fast fashion companies who appropriate Goth elements into their fashions to sell you a Goth look. And Instagram and Youtube show the Goth lifestyle as being for the rich, skinny, and the mostly white. You may have misconceptions about what it really means to be Goth. And why "Elder Goths" are annoyed by this new trend.

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Goth is not something you can buy in the store, there are goth brands but it's not something you put on and take off at the end of the day. It's not something you can stop being apart of because you don't look the part.

It's not a few popular post punk bands in the 80's, but it's good to get you started in to right direction to learn more underground bands and deeper music.

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It's not a costume
Not a cosplay
A character, there are Goth characters but Goth in and of itself is not a character

Occult symbols you don't know the meaning of but look edgy and cool, Occult symbols are great when you know the meaning of them and want to embrace the positive aspects of them. But when you don't it's disrespectful to others religions.

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It's not an act of rebellion against your parents or society, unless it's in a way that you are embracing your true self as a act of rebellion to pretending to be something you are not to make others happy as if your own happiness doesn't matter

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It's not  a shock factor
A performance, but there are Goth performers
It's not just to scare people, but if that's your thing enjoy
It's not a passing trend, But it comes and goes every couple of years and it has it's pro's and con's
It's not a phase for most people who got into it for the right reasons, but some do grow out of it and it doesn't mean they are any less legit than that Goth's who are still apart of the scene

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It's not a hair style, but there are certain hairstyles that Goth and Alternative people naturally gravitate too
It's not body modifications, but many Goth's can choose to get modifications if they wish, but not required
It's not just makeup and fashion, but there are various styles that fit into Goth


It's not exclusive to white people, skinny people, or the able bodied
People of color, various religions, cultures, sizes and shapes can be apart of it and disabled people are welcome too.

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It's not a religion, but there are many Goth's who are religious, pagan, atheist, agnostic, etc.
It's not a cult, but there are some Goth's in cults
It's not an evil thing but there are evil people the scene

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If you are looking for more intellectual stimulation and you want to get a deeper understanding of the big question of what is Goth? I highly recommend reading books of Goth from Goth's in the 80's, photographers, sociologist, psychologist, Goth enthusiast, etc. so you can get a well rounded view of the scene. And you wanna form your own sense of fashion, makeup, decorate your living space then the internet is great for ideas. But you'll have a deeper connection from actual books and have a more unique perspective on it and have something that's more catered to your needs as your own person.
 

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(Yes I know Mansion isn't Goth, and can be problematic AF! But it's a very interesting book which I enjoyed when I was in high school that tells the story about his life starting in childhood. And gives a bit of insight into his personality and lifestyle) 

Goth is about being unique
It's creative expressions through many art forms
It's being observant of things that are over looked
It's all about embracing your true self and living life to the fullest
It's about supporting others in the scene who are positive content creators, musicians, artist, fashion designers, etc.

Disclaimer: Some of these books I've read over the years, and some I haven't so I can't really tell you that much about them. The purpose of this blog post was not meant to be a review of Goth books, but the show the various ones that exist and can give you better insight and visuals into the scene. And it's still a better view than what you would get online. These are all relatively non-fiction books but I do recommend some fiction books with Goth or spooky characters for fun and more in depth looks. Enjoy and leave comments below for feedback.

Plan With Me Anti V Day + Spooky Stickers

Spooky Dark Girls

Looking for Goth/Alt Women of color in art form? Check out Spooky Dark Girls

Spooky Dark Girls is an etsy shop with watercolor art featuring alternative women of color in Goth fashion, Horror style, dark fantasy, and more to come. So if you are an alternative person of color and you're looking for art work that represents your unique style and variety for dark skin tones and body shapes this is the perfect shop for you. All prints are digital downloads, as soon as payment goes through these prints will automatically download into your etsy account or email if you are checking out as guest. You can print these at home or at your local print shop to decorate your home, office, work space, or gift to a spooky friend who will appreciate it. 

The best part is these prints are all only $4.99 each!

Here's a look at the first 10 piece collection of the work. 

Gothic Girl with Skulls

Cyber Girl

Frankstein Girl 

These prints are a combination of idealized self portraits, inspirations from the Gothic, Alternative, Horror, Dark fantasy, Cyber/Industrial music.fashion scenes, other artist with similar styles and of course alternative women of color. 

Mummy Girl

Gothic Girl in The Park

Goth Girl Portrait 

Girl with Colorful Hair

Copyright: All items in stock are hand painted and legally copyrighted by me. You have permission to print at home or at your local print shop for decoration or gift giving. 

You do not have permission to resale, alter and/or resale, or give to someone for resale. 

Mummy Girl and Her Ghost Friend

Old Witch 

Black Wednesday

Original artworks will be available soon. 

Be sure to check my shop and have a nice day!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SpookyDarkGirls

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Reply: An Honest Talk About Goth

The Darkling Tag/GRWM

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Update: How people react to me being Alt/Goth

Art journaling

How I Stay Organized- Everyday is Halloween DIY Punk planner

Respose Video: Goth Dating Problems

Goth Dating Problems: Why Goth's Don't date Non-Goth's

·          

     Acceptance

There are huge issues of acceptance in the subculture. Lots of people like the style from afar but don’t understand or respect the people in it. In my personal experience when I’ve tried to date former friends who weren’t Goth or guys in general. It has been and continues to be a repetitive problem. People love the way I look, dress, do my hair and makeup, they love to see me out on the town or hanging out, and pictures  from my photoshoots, but it still will not click to them that it’s the real me. When I see some people outside of the local Goth/Alt/Industrial club scene and not much is different, I receive comments like “oooh, I didn’t know you actually dressed like that, I thought that’s just what you wore for clubbing or (insert blank here).”  The list goes on and on. I thought you were like that in order  to:

-Sell your Art

-Impress other Goths

-Just for Modeling

-For Halloween

-For a Costume party

-Joking

-Going to a concert or festival or event

-Rebel against your family

-On drugs

-Has serious emotional and other mental health problems and overall disturbed individual

- You were depressed

-Just a phase

-Just a thing you did as a teenager

·         Appreciation

People may leave you to your own devices as friends to a certain extent. But when it comes to dating they have something to say about your lifestyle preferences. Suddenly they want you to stop doing all of the things you love that makes you who you truly are.

“I don’t like girls that wear makeup, I noticed you wear a lot of it, If/when we start dating can you stop wearing makeup or just not wear any around me?”

“ Can’t you just wear some color once”

·         Manipulation

People like to try and tell you that changing other aspects of yourself which does nothing to hurt anyone is for your own good. As if they are the only ones who will ever be with someone like you, you’re lucky to have them, and if you don’t do what they say you’ll lose them. And will in the end just hurt yourself more in the long run. It’s a lot of narcissism that goes into this mentality and it happens all to often. Things may start off well, but slowly but surely over a period of weeks, months, or even years you’ll start to pick up on red flags here and there. Then as time passes by you’ll begin to notice a huge difference and you’ll be in too deep and it may be too late to turn back if you are put into a position of little to no power. By isolating you from your friends and family, moving you into the middle of nowhere, discouraging you from doing the things you love even on your own time, etc. Manipulation comes in all shapes and forms. It’s not always recognizable on the first date or in the first few years of dating. They’ll say things like,

-“ If you really love me, you’ll wear something colorful and push through feeling uncomfortable for me.”

-“ Can you please wear white for our wedding day? It’ll make me so happy”

- “ Can you take out your piercings to meet my friends and family?”

-“ Can you cover or remove your tattoos for me? I think you’d look so much prettier without them, you don’t need them to be beautiful for me.”

-“ I don’t like Goth Clothing, can you stop wearing them? I’d be more than happy to take you shopping for something pink and fluffy.”

-"Where do you think you're going dressed like that? You have to change or we're not going to (insert blank)." 

- "I don't like you wearing that so you have to change." 

-"Can you change into the outfit I bought you instead of that this one time, it's for my (mom, work, friends, me, etc)."

- "So-and-so doesn't like (insert blank) can you cover your tattoos, take out your piercings, put on a wig to cover your colorful and/or shaved hair. etc?" 

- "That scares people ca you not wear that?" 

They may do passive-aggressive things like ever so obviously hint at tattoo removal places, send you articles about nerve damage from piercings, crappy internet articles expressing “concern” from love ones who express themselves in a dark or alternative way, hide your clothing and replace them with colorful things, etc. 

I've heard horror stories from alternative women in dating spaces about how they were asked to walk behind their partners so no one would know they are together. They aren't allowed to post pictures or statuses about their partners or relationship. Not for privacy reasons but because they aren't publicly proud of their partners. Once they've agreed to do one thing against their own boundaries one time, for one thing, that's the way things always have to be in that department, and then it goes on and on. For example, you may be asked to "just this once" can you wear a brown wig to cover your colorful and or shaved sides of hair for a work party, to meet their parents, to hang around their conservative friends, etc. And from now on that's what you have to do every time you spend time with those people. And then those "favors" add up more and moreover the years and then you're just shell of a person from what you used to be. 

They Blame Your Shortcomings In Life On You Being Goth (Update)

For example, let's say you struggle with making new friends, finding a new job, issues with your family, etc. They may try to convince you that it's your fault things are the way they are. If you just stopped "being Goth" you wouldn't have to worry about any of that if you "made an effort to look like a regular person". If you just stopped listening to all of that "weird music". If you just stopped dressing the way you do. If you just covered your tattoos, took out your piercing, stopped dying your hair, etc all would be right in the world. If you tried picking up hobbies that weren't "creepy" or anything you'd be able to surround yourself with better people. As far as jobs go, this is true to a certain extent. you should dress a certain way for interviews and in professional settings. But when you are professional and you change the way you look to improve your chances of being hired. And you still deal with discrimination, microaggressions, petty drama, people making up rules and making them apply to you and getting mad at you for breaking them. And you try to vent about your issues, instead of listening they just shut it down before you're even able to make your point. It always comments like: 

-"If you worked better at hiding what you're into you wouldn't have to worry about that." 

-"Well, I don't like what you're wearing either I'm glad you got in trouble for it." 

-"Well, that's the way things are you'll just have to deal with it."

When it comes to maintaining or making new friends and things seem to be going well until they find out what you're into and you experience some of those same microaggressions. Instead of your partner being supportive or listening. It's shut down with things that basically agree with them and blame you for those negative reactions. When it comes to interacting with them in their circle they allow others to disrespect you and if you ask them to check those people. They downplay it and accuse you of being too sensitive or overdramatic. 

If your family doesn't expect you for being Goth/Alternative and they come from a happy supportive family. They may try to force you to be around people who aren't good for your mental health for the sake of "family". 

·         Protection

People assume Goths and Alternative people are freaks and into kinky things. They say and do all sorts of things that make us roll our eyes. I personally do not want to have to try and explain a whole entire subculture and lifestyle to someone outside of the scene.  All about do’s and don'ts and rights and wrongs of the whole thing. When strangers ask me on the street, I can explain certain things to them briefly, but ultimately I end up referring them to my blog and Youtube channel where I have already answered some of those same questions. And even at times referring them to other bloggers and writers who explain them a lot better than I ever could. That’s a huge chunk of my life that I’d have to explain to someone I’m dating all the time on top of everyone else. So it saves me a lot of time and energy by not.

Also because most of my experiences in this area happen to be negative, I have the right to be suspicious about some people in different ways. What if he lost a bet, what if that person is just trying to piss off their ex or their parents, or thinks I’m going to fulfill some sort of kinky fetish for them, or whatever. No Thank you.

·         Misconceptions about the Subculture

-There are all kinds of misconceptions and assumptions about people in the subculture

-Goth is not a religion

-You don’t have to be Atheist or Pagan

-You don’t have to dress or look the part at all

-Goth is an umbrella turn for a wide range of music, art, literature, fashion styles, etc

-Depression is a medical problem that all people of all walks of life face

-No, I’m not wearing all black waiting for some fuck boy to “turn me on to color”

-I don’t like negative attention no one does, it’s apart of the territory and everyone on some level has to deal with it regardless of who they are or what they wear.

·         Fetishizing of Alternative people

-Vampirism is an actual religion and some may choose to participate in it. Not all Goths or Alternative people are apart of this.

-Yes, some people are kinky but that doesn’t mean they want to be with you.

-Goths and Alternative people are not boxes to check off in terms of types of people you’ve slept with. No one is.

·         Race

In my personal experience, I feel that it’s more socially acceptable to be Goth/Alt and white it is to be a person of color. Especially within the African-American community. People assume you are self-hating and trying to be white because you look different and like different music and you surround yourself with like minded people of all races and cultures. A lot of people don’t believe me when I say I don’t like rap, hip hop, or R&B music. I don’t like talking with a lot of slang, I don’t care much for name brands such as Echo Red, Tommy Hilfiger, Apple Bottom, etc. I don’t fit into the stereotypes of what people expect a Black woman in America to look like, act like dress like, etc. I’m often seen as a “poser”, a “fake”, or something else entirely. People assume I’m from another country or I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, that I’m lost of don’t have a sense of identity on my own or whatever. 

·         Micro-Aggressions and Teasing

People, even loved ones in general tend to lightly poke fun at each other and that’s normal. But there comes a certain point when people should realize there are certain lines that shouldn’t be crossed and certain things just aren’t funny. They are ignorant and hurtful and even when they see that it bothers you they continue to do it. The Halloween jokes, the  Goth jokes, the wise cracks about wearing all black, and so much more. Sometimes your partner can cross that line and gone unchecked it’ll continue to grow more and more out of hand. And when you do check them on behavior that’s not okay it leads to victim blaming and bashing and can make things worst. Sometimes your partner will be fine but their friends or family may say or do something harmful and your partner may fail to check it and tell you to “relax”, “it’s no big deal, “ “it’s just a joke…” And that can lead to further tension in your relationship.

I have never had a serious relationship with someone who wasn’t Goth or Alternative. I’ve been in a relationship for over 6 years now. These are the reason why some people may choose not to date outside of the scene. And these are my experiences. Yes, it is completely possible to find someone outside of the subculture who is kind and an overall good partner to be with and you can be happy together. I am not saying it’s not possible or that if you find someone you like outside of the scene you shouldn’t give it a chance. Just that when someone says that don’t date non-Goths or non-Alternative people. Please keep these points in mind about the experiences that person has had to deal with over time. They may not be an elitist or discriminating against people based on subculture or lack thereof. They may just be more protective of themselves, well-being, and energy and may not want to deal with situations and circumstances dealt with before.

Update: 

I lot of people responded to this original post with stories of how they don't experience some of these things and they are in happy and healthy relationships. Some have accused me of making things up for the sake of internet fame or whatever. I do not speak for everyone and their experiences. I am not saying that there is no possible way that anyone could not possibly be happy if they are in a relationship with someone who isn't Goth or Alternative. Or that all non-goth's are trash when it comes to dating. These are my experiences as well as a few around me. 

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